Be still, and know that I am God

Ps 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God;”

Years ago when I was in college I went through a crisis of faith. I was studying for the ministry and had already had many powerful God experiences in the limited years of my life at that time. I had grown up in a Christian home and my father was a Pastor and a Church planter. I had led youth groups and had accepted Christ in my childhood and been baptized at age 13. Although young, I was quite aware of my decisions.

And yet, here I was struggling again and wondering if my faith was real or was it just something that was passed down from my parents. Was God real or was I just kidding myself and wasting my college education studying for the ministry? I was racked with questions and doubts.

I decided to follow in the steps of my namesake in the Bible, Jacob, and wrestle with God (Jay is just my middle initial, my legal name is Carlos Jacob Molina). In my naiveté I had prepared a to-do list by which God could prove himself to me. Armed with my list I went to the Marjorie Payne prayer chapel in Houghton College and challenged God to prove Himself to me. The arrogance of it all astounds me to this day. It is only by His grace He didn’t strike me down there and then, but He knew what was in my heart. It wasn’t a rebellious or a haughty challenge. Rather, it was more a cry of desperation by one of His children who desperately wanted to know Him.

I don’t know how long I was there, but I know it was hours. I prayed, I yelled, I railed, I did everything I could to get a response from Him. One of the things that I kept coming back to was knowing that there was a fellow college student, a young woman, who was dying from cancer and the doctors had told her there was nothing they could do for her. She was my age and her life was coming to an end. I could not comprehend that.

At long last, feeling defeated, I decided to pray one last prayer and then if nothing happened I would return to my apartment to ponder what I was to do with my life if there was no God. I knelt at the railing and I poured my heart out to God. Deep sobs came from the inner most parts of my being. Suddenly, when I was at the end of myself in despair, I felt something pass slowly through me from the top of my hair all the way down to my toes. In my head I heard a voice say, “Turn around”. When I did I saw the verse from the Psalms written on the back wall, “Be still, and know that I am God”. In an instant, I realized that what I had felt go through me was His Holy Spirit enveloping me in that peace that passes all understanding.

It is hard to put it into words, but I knew that I knew that I knew that He was real and that He loved me. I could hardly contain the joy that I felt. God’s immanent presence revealed itself to me. Not that it mattered, but as a bonus He addressed each one of the items on my laundry list, including healing that young woman of cancer. Some doctors said it was a miracle that there was no trace of the cancer; while others just claimed that it was a misdiagnosis to begin with. No matter, I knew what God had done and now He was real to me.

Here is the takeaway: God cares enough about you and He loves you enough to reveal Himself to you. “Be still, and know that I am God.”

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