A Psalm of Confession, Repentance and Restoration

Let's start out by beating the enemy to the punch.

I have sinned. My sins are numerous and they are grievous.  Through my sin and arrogance I ended a marriage of 30 years. In doing so I abandoned my oldest children. That they were already adults did not matter, they were still living with us at the time.  Add to that the fact that they were adopted and my leaving only added to their abandonment issues. To make matters worse I was a pastor at the time and my sin caused the church to implode. Countless lives were affected and many feel that pain to this day. Many turned their back on me and I don't blame them. I didn't like myself much either. I entered an ever worsening spiral of depression and my decisions at the time were less than rational. Never the less, they were my decisions and they affected many lives in a negative way.
For that I am truly sorry and I ask for their forgiveness. I have already asked for and received it from God.
But this is not a pity party. You see, I have a great big God who loves me and in spite of my sin had mercy on my and took me to a place of restoration.
While our relationship didn't start off the way it should have, God did bring a wonderful woman into my life to keep me from going off the deep end. She stood by me and pushed me. She challenged me not to stay mired in my funk. She helped me get a job and she made sure I put one foot in front of the other every day. After much searching, and even some rejection, we found a church that took us in and loved us. We became a part of a small group and we eventually confessed our sin to the group, and the leader, one of the elders of the church, took me under his wing and walked me through the restoration process. Then one day, to my surprise, he handed over the leadership of the Life Group to me. To me? I wasn't worthy. The thing that he reminded me of is that God's call is irrevocable and that we had walked together through the process of confession and repentance. Now God was initiating the process of restoration.
There are things in life that we may understand with our heads, but it takes our hearts some time to catch on. Since that time God has opened many doors for ministry. Through my work at Metropolitan Ministries I have been in a position to positively impact thousands of lives for Christ. I have had the opportunity to share God's love on the radio. I have additional opportunities for ministry through our church and I even have been given a chance to partner with a bi-lingual church that is just getting off the ground to do some leadership development. I have also partnered with a ministry that serves those who want to come out of the gay lifestyle. My cup runneth over.
Still, there tends to be that voice in the back of my head telling me that I am a fraud. That this is all a sham because I am not worthy of it.
Of course, those are the lying whispers of the enemy. Of course I am not worthy. When I start to think I am then I will be ripe for another fall. No, I am not worthy, but He is and He has chosen me and restored me.
What is even better are the countless ways that He chooses to tell me. Just last night my wife and I were at a Dennis Jernigan concert and as he spoke and the music played I could hear God talking to me.
Zeph 3:17 " The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing ."
Last night I could hear His voice and He was singing over me. His voice is my delight. I will bask in His presence. I will soak in His love. My God is with me. He is my lover and I am His. He has seen my sin and through the blood of His Son He has wiped my slate clean and called me His own. I sing His praises. I sing love songs to my beloved. He in turn rejoices over me with singing. Praise be to the Lord, my Restorer!

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