Highs and Lows


I just recently went through a period of basking in the Lord’s presence and feeling His love in deep and personal ways.  From 5 days at the VineyardUSA national conference, to two wonderful weeks at the beach. First with dear friends and then just with my wife, I just swam in God’s love and yearned for His presence. It had been a long time since I felt that way. I felt so close to God. It was like I could hear His voice in my inner being and I wanted nothing more than to please Him and enjoy Him.

Ps 34:8
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

I was experiencing that love firsthand and it was the sweetest taste.

I felt that refuge and experienced the peace that surpasses all human understanding.

Rom 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

I understood that love in new ways and let it pour over me like a waterfall. It was cleansing and refreshing at the same time. I wondered what could ever happen that would cause me to leave that place.

And then… it was over. I got home and my mind began to wander and I entertained some stray thoughts and then… well, I let my mind go to places and shouldn’t have and soon I was fraught with guilt and shame. How could I have done that? What brought me pleasure in the past now filled me with disdain and remorse. I had traded paradise for a fleeting mist. The worst part was that I felt empty and alone.

Thanks to experience and God’s Word I decided not to stay there. I repented and turned to God and He was there waiting for me. He didn’t remind me of my sin, He just embraced me.

I wanted to protest and remind Him that I had been unfaithful, but He just loved on me and brought to mind this about love:
1 Cor 13:5b
…it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

I just recently read a marvelous interpretation of the second half of this passage. God doesn’t stop loving us or gets mad at us because on the basis of Christ’s sacrifice there is not enough evidence to convict.

His mercy and His love led me to repentance and acceptance. All that was needed was a course correction.

Luke 7:47
Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven — for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

He has had to forgive much in my life and with each act of grace my love for Him increases for I don’t deserve it.

John 3:29-30
The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30 He must become greater; I must become less.

I learned a long time ago that the order in verse 30 is crucial. In the field of addiction recovery we have learned that to concentrate on stopping a behavior only gives it more strength. The only way to obtain victory over addiction is to find something greater and more powerful to take its place (Higher Power). Christ must become greater in my life. It is the only way I will decrease. I will fail if I put the cart before the horse.

But that is what this walk with the Lord is all about. There are highs and lows but, the constant is His unwavering love for me. For that love I would walk through the shadow of the valley of death. Even when I have felt alone, betrayed and abandoned He has always been right there waiting for me.

How could I not love Him?

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